im trying to lose weight. well, im not really fat but these days .. i've been eating as much as im talking. its hard to strain yourself away from the food in the fridge especially when you're bored and you got nothing in mind to do.
since yesterday, i've been biking around the neighborhood. only in the afternoons ofcourse cuz i dont wanna get tan in the early mornings. im also trying new soap products so that my skin's appearance and fairness will improve. and also my hair, i've been thinking about re bonding it soon.. classes will start a month after so, i have to have a new or better look this time.
there are a lot of insecurities i've possessed.. in the society which defines beauty and sets up the standards of being beautiful, its difficult to cope up with. everybody's going to judge you with you imperfections. whether its in front of you face or behind your back, its still the same. almost everyone around you will define you by your looks, the way you dress or the way you carry yourself.
the same reason why i wanted to improve my appearance. i have a crooked teeth which is why i seldom smile. it discourages me to smile and i lose confidence whenever i do so. its hard especially when people make fun out of it. do you prefer false teeth over my crooked teeth?
i have lotsa imperfections, insecurities and ambitions. yet, its hard to fit in. to reach what everyone is setting up.
although my boyfriend would tell me how beautiful i am already but deep inside i know .. im not. maybe this is what you call inferiority complex. the feeling you get when you see someone's really attractive in your eyes and you just can't deny the fact that you'll never be as beautiful as her or anybody else.
I am sometimes (maybe often) bullied. i dont know if you could categorize the-whispering-right-in-front-of-you-then-will-steal-glances-at-you-then-will-giggle-like-a-stupid-monkey-face-that-you-hate-the-most as bullying cuz for me, it is bullying by form. or posting an I-hate-you-cuz-you-got-crooked-teeth-and-your-plastic post. is being nice to someone you dont like being define as PLASTICITY? i called it .. Respect because i truly believe that being nice to someone you dont even like will eventually lead you to friendship and acceptance and everybody deserves respect and no one in his/her right mind should violate that.
0 comments:
Post a Comment