Mantra

Makakapasa ako ng Third year. Makakapasa. PUSH!

To someone :)

"To the guy I hurt two years ago.

The only reason why I did what I had to do is because I didn't want to prolong your agony. I saw how unhappy you were with me, how I couldn't give what you wanted... how I felt like the relationship we were forming would soon become destructive. 

There is something I could never bring myself to admit - to you, to my friends, to my family, to anyone. Not even to myself. When asked by friends, ""what do you look for in a guy?,"" trust me, nothing I say would ever point to you. Simply put, you were not and are still not my type.
But in the fast course we took to being friends, I am not going to lie: you made me very happy. There was something just so different about you, and up until today, I still can't put a finger on what it is.

I never thought anything of our friendship or how affected I would be of and by it. But through your small efforts to your grand gestures, I started to wonder if anything would ever come out of this.

But in a span of our relationship, I'd lie if I say you never made me happy because you did and I will be forever thankful for that but we drifted apart for reasons I don't even care to find out anymore, because I don't want to keep thinking about what could have been. I'm not mad at you at all, I'm just extremely saddened by the fact that it ended or that it is ending the way it is. 

Please don't think I took you for nothing, because honestly, I never did. It hurts to think you think of me in that way--that mean, nasty, bitch who butchered your heart to pieces. Believe me, the last thing I would want to do is to hurt you (but sadly, I did). We've been friends prior to all these dramas and it saddens me that know we just pass by each other like we're complete and total strangers.

Please know that I always wish for you to be okay. Please know that I'm happy at where you are right now. I know you have someone else in your life (My college friends kept tabs on you through your FB), and that's great.

I know for sure that things will never go back to the way they were before, and this makes me quite sad. But I know I will get past this, just as you already have. And for what it's worth, I'd just like to say: Thank you for everything.I'm really glad you've found someone who makes you smile... someone who manages to bright up your day, to make you feel loved, to make you feel special--someone who isn't me.

I wish you the best. Always.

I miss our friendship, sadly. But I know it will never be the same anymore. I know it was completely my fault that this happened.

I'm always going to be sorry. And to be honest, deep down, I really liked you. You were different. But I was too scared. So, don't let her go okay? Be happy with her. You know you deserve it more than anything. "

It's Over

It has been awhile since I last posted something here (Lagi naman!) I know, I have yet again neglected this space of the cyberworld. Guilty! But now that I'm back, I'd like to share something. Since I'm done with my requirements, I'd like to share this reflection paper I made. It is actually one of my requirement in Rotation five and I thought you'd like to read this one. It's a bit sentimental in a way because I somehow got too immersed with the thought of reflection paper that I began to reminisce things that happened over the crisis.

So here it is ...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s Over

I always say that my life had been an utter bore in Zamboanga. It had been remotely redundant every single day. You wake up early, you go to school before 7 a.m, you take a minute space on an old crowded jeepney, get stressed from the things you should study for and then go back home at 7 pm where you take another minute space on an old crowded jeepney again. It was boring alright but If given a chance to choose between ruthless war and boring but peaceful life? I’ll choose the latter

I thought that living in Mindanao had prepared me for wars, but I was wrong. Ever since the MNLF stand off, I already sensed the mood that was devoid of festive chatter and noise that usually come when you start a day became unusually drop dead in silence. It was replaced with the noise of guns, bombs and whatnot most especially when the sun sets by the west.

While you were sleeping soundly on your bed, you hear the chopper soaring high above the clouds; you hear the continuous firing of the quad and then the explosion which followed suit. It was as if never ending chaos going around. The Smoke. The Gun fire. The Curfew. The Armed men. Everything! People get killed, People risked their lives, People lost their homes and there was the most painful part --You can’t even do anything about it; Nothing but wait. You wait and hope for the better. You wait and hope in vain until it’ll over and done. As you assure yourself that you’d lived for the next day, someone’s going on for their last breath and you can only feel a tinge of guilt about having nothing to do about it.

In Visayan local lingo my 12-year-old brother asked, “What are they really fighting for,Ma?” I remember how my Mother paused as if regarding the question for awhile and turned to look at my father. I contemplated myself. What are they really fighting for? For an 18-year-old myself, I was, and still am,a little naïve over things. I thought I got everything figure out but the truth is that I could only decipher a little of it. The Crisis itself was a mystery to me—not in a sense because I don’t know anything, it’s because I wanted to know the story behind it like two sides of a coin. I wanted to see it out from the box. It’s like Ice berg over the Atlantic, you see the top of it and you think you got figured it out but down below the deep dark cold ocean there’s more to it that we really don’t know about.

Throughout the month-long crisis of Zamboanga, I began to realize the little time I took for granted. I began to realize how much time has been wasted waiting for something—a miracle maybe—to happen.
“What’s the reason that led us to this? What’s really up behind these things?” I began to wonder but somehow as days went by, I haven’t really got my answer. During those times, everybody was cautious. A face, any face, could be suspected of gathering intelligence for the other side.

I thought I was prepared for war but truth be told, No one is really prepared to anything actually and seeing how that crisis brought a dreadful change to my beloved city,  it made me somehow grip to a lone string of hope that somehow it is over.. for now.

Dream

Two days ago, I had received this private message coming from someone who works on Summit Media. She seemed legit because I also asked few of my wattpad friends who are on the target for publishing soon enough.

Right now I'm still undecided whether I should push through this or not. If yes, I'll probably have to go to manila and sign or something like that.

I've been writing on wattpad for about two years now and I had (so far) 4 finish works and I'm working on my latest.

I'm torn between two stories. I conducted a survey on my readers on which among my works would they like to see on print and so far, It's my first work they wanted but I'm kinda hesitant about it because it has erotic scenes in it and I don't know how to explain it to my mom if ever she'll ask what the story is about.

The first time I read the message, I was ecstatic! It was like I was still dreaming! I was overwhelmed tho, wala pa naman contract but it felt good to be (at least) recognize for your work.

It's giving me butterflies up until this moment. Thank you God for the blessings and for giving me the opportunity, for welcoming me on to a brand new journey. It's always nice to know about it because I did not expect this... but still Thank God!

Braces

Just got my braces three days ago. At first it was okay but on the later days especially on the afternoon, I find this really a hassle. I know it's not bagay with me.. it makes my nose ten times bigger. How sad. Tiis ganda na lang talaga.

Smile

People may wonder why am I a snob, why I choose to pretend that I dont see them in the hallway, why I dont say hi to someone I bump into. It's not that I'm a snob, I'm actually just reserved and I dont have the best smile ever so I tend not to really acknowledge anyone I see because I dont really feel comfortable smiling at them since, like I have metioned, I dont have the best-est smile ever.

My teeth are crooked, I have an overbite (google it if you dont know) And two overlapping front teeth (Yes, my dentist told me about i. Yes, not so fascinating teeth ever. I also feel discouraged if I smile, I just don't really feel beaten to it.

But now, I am quite excited. Awhile ago, I visited a dentist who could remedy my problem. My mom was there with me and I also googled some experiences of those people who have undergone braces. I'm actually quite scared, most of them said that it might be really painful at first that you may not be able to eat like a normal person on that duration.

My dentist actually told me to eat a lot before I got to his clinic. I also googled about what foods to avoid and how oral hygiene is to be done when you brush your teeth with braces.

I know my dentist will explain these things to me but I already did my homework and googled about it.

Here's what I found out :

I should avoid Sweets, soda and other sugary and starchy foods can promote tooth decay and gum disease. Sticky and chewy foods (caramel, taffy, chewing gum, dried fruits) can stick to braces and be difficult to remove. Biting and chewing hard foods, such as some candies and nuts, ice, beef jerky and popcorn, can break wires and loosen brackets. Avoid damaging wires on the front teeth by cutting carrots, apples and other crunchy, healthy foods into bite-sized chunks before eating them. 

GOOD BYE POPCORN! HUHUHUHU :(
I am also having this small problem where to brush my teeth after eating my lunch at school. It's quite embarrassing to floss and then brush your teeth right in front of the public mirror. I actually got grossed out after I watched this particular video on youtube where they demonstrate how to do your oral hygiene. Hassle!

ALL THESE THINGS--- on wednesday. :/

Imagery

So this is me now .. 

I've been scrolling down the memory lane for an hour and It never bothered me before that I was a bit Tan. Well, I'm pure pinay so it never occured to me that colour is the definition of beauty. Ang annoying pala ng face ko nung freshman ako. Gah! Not that I feel disgusted with it. It's actually refreshing to know how simple I was back then.

It felt nice to know you can always go back to things you were and read about it. Ah! It's refreshing to know how much I've changed.. hopefully for the better.

The picture above is, for your info, my twitter DP.