When I was younger, Sixteen and a frosh, I thought going to college and growing up could be fun. Starting the ignition before hitting up the road, I thought about all those free time I could waste, the parties I could get into, the lighter load of my bag and the people I would meet. I always felt a rush of excitement like when the air crackled with expectation. I also thought it meant freedom. Freedom to me was like getting on board on ship sailing away to some place cold and exotic. To my younger self, what lies ahead were exciting things, gift-wrapped and full of possibilities, the sweet smell of somewhere else wafting like perfume but now here I am with sort of fear stirring within me.
I am now a senior in college and it didn't take me this long enough to figure out that free time was meant for reviewing your lessons, that the only parties you could get are those in the politics, that the lighter load of your bag meant a heavier one under your eyes and if you're lucky, it might be a Louis Vuitton. I'd be lying if I said and didn't look at the rear-view mirror, second-guess if its leading me to a definite destination and thought about going for a u-turn but here I am, went for a full-tank, pressed on the gas and carried on.
Now, almost twenty, It's about time I build my high-ways firmly to the path I wish I would venture to. There's no room for second thoughts anymore. There's no room for stop-over. It's either you give your all or nothing at all. The light at the end of the tunnel seems like a far-fetch dream to me back in freshman days. It still is, apparently, but now I'm in the middle of the darkness I wish to part. A darkness engulfing me at the same rate with fear. Fear that I might not succeed. Fear that I might flunk. And all sorts of fear I could not point my fingers to.
In an age between a child and an adult. An almost adult but not quite,
the fear of the unknown is always inevitable. And the question hung in
an open air that got my chest flaring out -- Where will these things take me to?
In the never-ending emotional roller coaster most likely popular to most as Nursing, I can't help but
second-guess where my path will eventually lead me. Let's hit up a quick drive-thru to Realityville shall we? There are approximately 30 thousand Filipino taking up NLE each year and the number, minus the exaggeration, is
continuously on the rise. Out of these 30 thousand Noypis all over the country, There are, unfortunately, 15 thousand (more or less) likely
only to pass it. Out of those couple of thousand and throw timing into
the mix, the chances of finding a decent job, to be honest, is slim and having a Diploma will not guarantee that you wont end up on a indefinite flat tire. As depressing as this realization may seem, This isn’t a fact to be feared. On the
contrary, it’s a fact that should give one a peace of mind because the real questions are written on a neon-light and perhaps on a gigantic billboard you see over EDSA--- Is this blasphemy or is this a life you really want? A life of being peed on, puked on, pooped on, bled on, bitten, hit, yelled at seem like inviting enough don't you think? And to top that, A life where you'll mostly be away from your family to take care of someone else.
With all the variables at play, the equation for finding happiness among those seems out of your reach. Life used to be lived. Nowadays, life is controlled. Or rather, one does
the best he can to control as many facets of his lives as he possibly
can. One can fail, but it wont hurt to try again anyway. Admit it, you don’t like things to be outside of your control because it leaves
things to chance. For those of us who aren’t especially lucky – namely me – simply allowing things to play out on their own accord seems
suicidal. Some people, maybe even at this moment, might be spending much of their time, energy, and thoughts figuring out ways to survive Nursing. A person may, with all his sweat and gore, try to part the sea Moses-style and move mountain, but mountains cannot be moved and you should stop hitting weeds. The only way you could reach the top is to climb it up with all your might. Just like Nursing.
Once you reach a point when you are entirely self-sufficient and independent enough, you’ll find that all the things that we do and think affect the way that we live our
lives, the way that we see the world and the experiences we have. Why
bother spending any thoughts on something you have absolutely no control
over? I’m not one to put much faith in things outside myself, but in this case, faith is the only true option. One has to believe that he will, sooner or later, trust himself that he can and that he will.
It's hard to keep up with the Kardashian, they said. It takes guts to be a Guiterrez, they said. But I'd say, it takes more than guts and tough bravado combined to be a Nurse.
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